The Realities of Self-Esteem No One Talks About (But Should)

Self-Esteem: What a Thing It Is, Hey?

Self-esteem—what a wild thing, right? It has such a huge impact on our lives, yet so much of it depends on what others think of us.

This is my self-esteem journey. Like most of my blogs or podcasts, I’m sharing my story in the hopes that it might give you some advice or maybe even help someone else struggling with this week’s topic.

If you asked anyone what I looked like in my early teens, they’d describe me as a stick—see Photo A. I wasn’t eating properly, I wasn’t training, nothing. And I used to get picked on for it a lot. As a winger who was pretty shit on the footy field, playing alongside some wannabe NRL professionals, I was an easy target. My size was also something my mum’s ex-partners used to mock me for while they were beating me.

At that stage of my life, my self-esteem was at rock bottom. I was actively suicidal, with multiple attempts. I just wasn’t happy—at all.

This was before I entered my bullying phase.

The Glow-Up (Or So I Thought)

Fast forward a few years—I moved out of home and started to get my shit together. That included getting in shape. I was open with my doctor about my weight and the struggles I was facing, and he suggested a weird diet that included drinking milk with two spoons of powdered milk. Just an example of how strange it was.

I was working in retail, right next to a gym, so I started off slow. But soon, I became hooked. I was working out morning and night, and the physical benefits were great—but as a single young man, the mental benefits were just as good.

I knew I looked good, and I definitely used it to my advantage—hell, I even did a few nights at a local strip club. So yeah, my self-esteem was pretty high during this period.

But don’t get me wrong—it was hard work. Some days, I struggled with negative thoughts and low self-esteem. More on that later—see Photo B for reference.

The Downward Spiral

Fast forward a few more years—I got sicker due to my lupus and… I became a dad!

Now fellas, listen to me: the dad bod is real. And no, that’s not an excuse—it’s a fact. Your focus shifts from workouts and protein shakes to family time and baby formula. And mums? Your bodies go through insane changes over nine months, plus recovery.

At one point, I weighed 120kgs. I had three chins, no muscle definition, and I couldn’t even see my own pecker.

And oh my god, did I hate myself. But the funny thing? I didn’t even realise I’d put the weight on.

My wife thinks it all started when I developed postnatal depression. Honestly, most of the weight gain came from me just eating non-stop. What can I say? When you’re depressed and sick, all you want is food.

So not only was I struggling with postnatal depression, but then I became more depressed because, to me, I was just fat. My life had flipped completely from what it was before.

So, what did I do? I sat there and ate more. I couldn’t be fucked making any changes. Even though I hated how I looked, I threw myself a little pity party and kept going.

Until one day, I woke up and thought, I need to do something.

By this point, my mental health wasn’t at its worst, but it definitely wasn’t at its best either. So I started eating better, going for walks, and all that fun stuff. Now, I’m at a weight I’m happy with, and I can see my pecker again!

What Was Going On in My Head?

Before I dive into this, I just want to say—my story focused on weight gain, but self-esteem can be affected by so many things. Relationships, work, friendships, anything. It just so happens that my story revolves around weight loss.

So back to the point—self-esteem affects everyone at some stage of life. Most people’s self-esteem fluctuates. Some days, you wake up, look in the mirror, and just think, Fuck that. Other days, you’re like, Damn, I look good!

That’s normal.

It’s also okay to have low self-esteem for periods of your life. We’re only human. We all have our ups and downs. Look at my story—it took me years to get to a place where I was happy.

Of course, there were days I hated myself and wanted to give up. But guess what? I didn’t. And now? Look at me!

So, you might be wondering—Joe, what tools did you use?

The Self-Esteem Game Plan

Step One – Stop Listening to Other People (Especially Social Media)

People will always have something to say. Screw them.

Step Two – Talk to Your Doctor

Sometimes, self-esteem issues are medical. You might need professional intervention. There’s no shame in that.

Step Three – Set Goals

A goal without a plan is just a dream. Make a plan and stick to it.

Step Four – Talk to a Mental Health Professional

They can give you tools specific to you. Don’t try to fight this battle alone.

And here’s something you can start doing right now:

1. Grab some sticky notes.

2. Write down three of the following statements (even if you don’t believe them yet):

• I am beautiful.

• I am good-looking.

• I have great hair.

• I am smart.

• I am loved for who I am.

• Nothing can get me down today.

• I look good in this outfit.

• My friends and family love me for me.

• I am proud of what I’ve become.

• I may not be who I want to be yet, but I’m trying.

• I have goals, and I will achieve them.

3. Stick them on your mirror.

4. Read them out loud every single day.

Even if you don’t believe them at first—you have to say them out loud. Trust me.

Final Thoughts

Self-esteem is a rollercoaster. Some days, it lifts you up, makes you feel unstoppable—like you could walk into any room and own it. Other days, it drags you down, whispering every insecurity you’ve ever had until you start to believe them. It can impact how you see yourself, how you interact with others, and even the decisions you make in life. When it’s high, you feel like the most attractive, successful, and confident person on the planet. When it’s low, it can feel like nothing you do is good enough, like you’re stuck in a cycle of self-doubt and negativity.

But here’s the thing—self-esteem isn’t fixed. It’s not something you either have or don’t have. It’s something that changes, something you can build and strengthen, even on the hardest days.

I may not know who you are, but I do know that you are capable of pushing through this. I do know that no matter how low you feel right now, it won’t last forever. You are stronger than you think, and even on the days when you feel like giving up, remember—progress isn’t about never falling. It’s about getting back up.

And it’s okay to have bad days. You’re human. You’re allowed to struggle. But you don’t have to do it alone. If you ever need advice or just someone to listen, feel free to message me via the website. No judgment, no pressure—just someone who gets it. You’re not alone in this.